Banhammer

Welcome to the new installment of Banhammer! Now that I’ve started stirring up the pot, it’s ought time we bring you a new piece, and this one hits a little closer to home.

It’s not often that we have any sort of disturbance at Yuba College. We have a peaceful campus, broken up only by the occasional whoop and holler from sports nuts, or squealing anime fans in the cafeteria. However, a few Wednesdays ago, we had a visitor here at Yuba College; a visitor nobody expected and definitely didn’t want around. I haven’t made many friends among conservative Christians with my writing, but Paul Kaiser and associates, this one’s for you!

Now, not many people quite know who Kaiser and his sign-bearing cronies are (not that many care to find out). Kaiser is an evangelical Christian whose prolific preaching has been plaguing the Yuba-Sutter area for some time. Some may recall a rotund fellow at the Yuba City Centennial celebration wearing a sandwich board and telling everyone that they’re going to Hell, surrounded by some bleary-eyed individuals holding signs that pretty much just repeat everything Kaiser is saying. This is their modus operandi, and it wins as many souls to Christ as C-SPAN wins to its television audience.

When it wasn’t enough to pester the general public, he decided to take his bullshit to one of the most religiously apathetic places in the known universe: college students.

Now, it isn’t such a big deal when someone preaches love, peace, and understanding, but when somebody stands up in front of me and tells me that I am going to Hell because I don’t pray to the same invisible avenger as you, we have an issue. Kaiser did just that, letting us all know that we are mockers, scorners and evil-doers. Some of us even had the distinct honor of being labeled Satanists and illiterates. We were condemned for our iniquity for nigh on six hours, during which many brave and compassionate souls took a stand against his hateful rhetoric. He, of course, shot them down by citing some obscure text, claiming that the Bible instructs him not to answer the questions of “fools.” He even had the audacity to make a lawsuit against our school because we actually made him get a permit to speak here. He claims that this was a “restriction” of his right to free speech. Truly we are a school of fascists, making him get permission to speak here. Heaven forbid anyone could just walk onto the campus and start preaching intolerance at will.

It wouldn’t seem so bad if this were coming from a level-headed individual with a clean slate, but this was not the case. Kaiser admitted in full view of his “audience” at Yuba College that he was at one point in his past a user and dealer of drugs, as well as having been a gang member. How is it that someone with such a history comes before us and calls out our iniquities and “sins” when he was a contributor to some of the biggest problems facing America today? You can’t sell dope, mug people, then turn around and tell ME I’m the one who’s screwing up.

Paul Kaiser has condemned many people to Hell, but he won’t admit it. He claims that it’s through the “word of God” that sinners are condemned. But it’s him. God isn’t wearing a sandwich board next to my cafeteria and telling me that I’m going to Hell, Kaiser is. Well, Kaiser, I’ll tell you: I’ve had a good ride and I don’t expect it to end any time soon. When I die, I’ll die laughing because, if I wind up in Hell, it’ll be nice to have you to converse with when I get there. In the meanwhile, I’ll keep in touch with you at your website, www.reformedevangelist.com.