Flip-Flops sound like sporks!

In what ways do flip-flops at all sound like a fantastic idea in rainy weather? Granted, I have anti-flip-flop tendencies in any season, but they’re even more ridiculous in the winter and spring. They are neither comfortable, aesthetically pleasing or charmingly ironic. The fashion world isn’t widely known for its sensible footwear, but a keen sense of style would take cues from the weather and choose shoes accordingly. And apparently, the best choice from a wide variety of footwear is the flip-flop.

A helpful friend would give you the bullet points of why flip-flops in rain is a bad idea. An awesome friend would have never let you buy them in the first place. But at some point, you have to be accountable for your actions, as shameful as they may be. The most your awesome friend can hope to do is nudge you in a the right direction, and hopefully remember your more redeemable traits and not shun you. I’m definitely not your awesome friend, but I offer to be the awesome friend surrogate you might need.

Fact: rain is wet. There will be not only puddles of water and mud outside, and maybe even worms. The flip-flop offers absolutely no foot coverage against such typically undesirable symptoms of the weather. You should know this. Your awesome friend has enough faith in you to believe that you know this. Yet, you continue to choose flip-flops.

The comfort argument is popular, and your awesome friend refuses to accept it. Can anybody explain how walking with a structured plastic thong in between the toes is comfortable? The least uncomfortable aspect of the shoe’s structure is that the slight platform that makes up your flip-flop means you don’t feel the immediate effects of walking on pebbles and random debris on the ground.

Do not be fooled, because that platform has more negative points than positive. If the clacking of high-heeled shoes on the ground is a generally annoying sound, it cannot be any worse than the sound of wet flip-flops indoors. Wet flip-flops tend to stick. They stick to the ground and stick to your foot. I can already hear the back of your flip-flop squish against the ground and splat against your foot with every step. It’s like music, except even less charming than Nickelback.

If the lack of comfort does not sway you away from the flip-flop, imagine how much worse the shoe is with long, flared jeans. I would not recommend such jeans on rainy days in the first place. The extra fabric drags on the ground and the more water your hem picks up, the more it weighs you down. But wet pant legs are an issue that could easily be avoided with proper footwear, not flip-flops.

Maybe it’s the pride in showing off what I hope are your impeccably pedicured feet that gives you comfort. But rain, mud, worms and the general harshness of winter weather really detract from that. You are walking around with wet, dirty feet exposed to the cold with no arch support. What an attractive aesthetic, is it not?

Your awesome friend would like to point out prettier and more practical alternative footwear for rainy days. Sneakers are usually trustworthy and looked upon judgment-free. I would not recommend Chuck Taylor’s, just because the fabric gets wet so fast, but I do not discourage them either. Rain boots are actually meant to be worn in the rain. And they are kind of adorable, if not too precocious. Crocs and UGGs are a completely different and convoluted issue.

Flats are a good alternative. Ballet flats are a comparatively better investment than flip-flops. They are cheap like flip-flops. They are stylish, unlike flip-flops. Flats come in different prints and colors, so they are just as versatile as flip-flops are supposed to be. But they are not too nice or dressy to be very worried about the effects of wearing them in the rain. Contrary to the flip-flop, flats offer enough coverage on all sides. And due to the lack of plastic thong between the toes, you can wear your flats with socks or tights. If you bring up toe socks, our surrogate friendship is officially null and void.