Foul-weather patriotism

Josh: Upon the heels of September 11, I am sure I am not the only one who notices this sudden explosion of patriotism. Everyone is dusting off the old Fourth of July decorations and slapping them on everything. So why is it that Americans waited until such a horrific event before deciding America was a beautiful place? It must be trendy to be an American only when the you-know-what hits the fan.

Ross: It seems almost as though it’s foul-weather patriotism. Just about every car and house has some American token tied, taped, or slapped onto it. If the September 11 tragedy had never occured, wouldn’t you look at the massive flag taped to a car window and say to yourself, “Hey buddy we get the picture. You like America”? Wouldn’t people think it was over-the-top to see these flags strapped to cars or planted in yards year round?

Josh: That is what seems to be the problem here: being patriotic is seen as something done only on a special occasion. Why not a steady show of affection for the place you have made your home, be it big or small? The citizens of the good ol’ U.S. of A., for the most part, have slacked off until the most heartbreaking time possible. Would we be looked at as bigoted Archie Bunker type characters if we never took the flags off our car windows?

Ross: Yes. Nobody breaks out the America the Beautiful t-shirts for mundane things, like when the president instates a new foreign policy. You couldn’t light off fireworks in celebration of our country on say, the August 22. That would be wrong and dirty. We have one day a year allotted to vent off all that pesky patriotism. The rest of the year it’s put on the shelf next to all that annoying plastic Easter grass.

Josh: As far as patriotic outbursts go, the stupidest thing I’ve seen is a commercial for American flags. Dial up the 1-800 number and for the low, low price of $9.95 you can get your very own set of American flag memorabilia. Hang one flag in your front yard; attach one to the hood of your car; put one in your hair; stick one in the spokes of your mountain bike; have one with your Frankenberry cereal; wear it like a bandana and pretend you are the karate kid. Maybe Americans should save their money and build some kind of super dome around America. I’m sure it would cost billions, but considering how many flags are being purchased lately, I would think enough could have been saved to at least make a shield between us and Bin Laden.

Ross: Ah yes, that is what we need, a super shield. A red, white and blue super shield. It could be stylish, attractive and impervious to the long arm of evil. Then the whole world would know how serious we are in our patriotism. Our support of our country would be visible from space, and it would also eliminate altogether the need to have special patriotic days.