Too small to label a college

It takes the average student at Yuba College five minutes to walk from one end of campus to the other, a fact that is among one of our top ten ways you know your college is too small.

There are several signs that your college is too small. For example, a community college is too small when its newspaper staff consists of only five students, more than half of whom are not even majoring in journalism. Those five students also realize their college is too small when it does not host enough activities to fill one page on the campus life section of the college newspaper.

It’s not hard to imagine tumbleweeds blowing through Yuba College’s campus.

Athletes also arrive at the sad conclusion that their college is too small when they were shown a different college campus in order to recruit them here. They know it’s too small when no one attends their athletic events. Or when there are not enough female tennis players to form a team. Or how about when the tennis team cannot practice on campus because most of the green on the tennis courts is from overgrown weeds?

Another sure sign of a tiny college is when it has two Olympic-sized swimming pools but cannot afford to put more than rain water in them. The pools may eventually be of some benefit to the biology department.

You also know your college is too small when no one is sure which city it belongs to. Linda? Marysville? Anyone want to claim it?

Your college is too small if the only signs of life in its community are a military base down the street and a strip club and porn shop around the corner.

Yeah, no Starbucks or pretentious bookstores. Just strip clubs and beat-up seedy discount stores form the academic milieu in which we find ourselves.

The ultimate verification that your college is too small is when you tell people that you are attending “Yuba College,” and with a perplexed expression, they ask, “Where?”